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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27382150">Bad Moon on the Rise</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/annaiva_v/pseuds/annaiva_v'>annaiva_v</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Body Swap, Chronic Pain, F/M, First Full Moon, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Oblivious Remus Lupin, Oblivious Sirius Black, Recreational Drug Use, Remus Lupin Loves Sirius Black, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sirius Black Loves Remus Lupin, Werewolf Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:42:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,330</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27382150</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/annaiva_v/pseuds/annaiva_v</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Like usual it started as fun and games, and like usual it got to real too fast. This incident was the worst yet. With James and Peter gone for the holidays Sirius and Remus discover some truths that were better kept hidden. Is this the end? Or is it only the beginning?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. It's just another full moon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Once again I have started a new fic.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Like anything in their short career of mischief makers, it started off good and then went terribly South. And like most of the time, it was James and Sirius’s idea, though mostly James. It all started when Snivellus unintentionally put the idea into James’s head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I wouldn’t want to be you right now, Avery.” Avery had received a particularly bad grade on his potions exam, his parents had not been pleased. A screeching Howler had drawn everyone’s eyes to the Slytherin table, Even James’s. For some reason, the Gryffindor and Slytherin table were side by side, almost always within earshot of each other. So it was easy for James to hear the conversation between Snape and Avery, easy for a sudden plan of mischief to form in his hyper active brain. He leaned over to Sirius and conspiratorially whispered in his ear, a slow smile eventually spread across his face. Remus didn’t like the glimmer in James’s eye, it usually meant late-night detention for all of them, save for Peter who knew when to say no. He didn’t have that same willpower when it came to Sirius, it was his fatal flaw. They finished their meals fast and pulled him through the castle, all the way to the common room. There were no classes so there was no need to rush through whatever plan they were brewing. It was fun to sit back and watch the back and forth between the brilliant boys, but it sometimes frustrated him that they never fully committed to their studies like this.</p>
<p>“So what are you planning?” He finally asks, the anticipation building until he could take it no more.</p>
<p>“We're going to switch Avery and Snape.” He’s not quite sure what they’re getting at here, but he knows it can’t be good.</p>
<p>“You heard what Snape said. And it is my mission to make his time here miserable.” James only thought that because Snape was chumming it with his future wife, or so James claimed. Sirius had a general dislike for Slytherin, no doubt thanks to his family. Remus was happy to go along with their pranks so long as the pranked deserve it. Snape he determined, definitely had it coming. Just the other day he had called a poor first year a Mudblood. </p>
<p>“We’re going to put Snape in Avery’s body and vice versa. It shouldn’t be too complicated?” He says it with a shrug, like a powerful piece of magic is an easy feat for them. And it probably will be, they’re two pureblood wizards with magic pulsing through their veins. </p>
<p>“What can’t you put this attention on your Transfiguration homework?” Remus tries to give them a stern look, though they all know he will crumble to their will, Sirius’s will.</p>
<p>“It wouldn’t be as much fun.” Sirius gives him a smile and Remus knows he’s fucked.</p>
<p>“I’ll help, but you're finishing my essay for me.” He frowns but it’s all in good fun as he takes Remus’s essay. The moon was in five days, and he had plenty of essays to complete, but it was nice that he didn’t have to worry about this one. Of course, Sirius didn’t know how much help he was, would probably never know.</p>
<p>“I’ll finish Rem’s essay then we can get planning.” James gives him an eager nod and the nickname sends a flare of heat up his cheeks. it was only Sirius who called him Rem, James had done it once but claimed it sounded wrong coming from his mouth. Remus thought the same thing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think we did it.” Sirius is practically vibrating on the spot, If Remus put his hand on him he’d feel the muscles buzzing beneath his skin. Remus had serious doubts about their idea to switch Snape and Avery’s minds, he had never heard of any witch or wizard doing it.</p>
<p>“And how are you going to do it?” He crosses his legs and clasps his hands together over his knee. He is genuinely curious but optimistically doubtful. </p>
<p>“I think a combination of the poly juice potion and a memory charm might the trick.” Fantastic, he thought. Brewing Polyjuice was highly frowned upon, maybe even illegal. And memory charms were not something to be taken lightly.</p>
<p>“I don’t think it’s a good idea, we don’t actually want to kill Snape.” He says it like a statement because he couldn’t think of the possibility of it being a question.</p>
<p>“But Remus, think of all the possibility if we get this right.” All Remus can think of are the possibilities of them getting it wrong. Polyjuice is fickle and sometimes even the best wizards can’t brew it.</p>
<p>“I said no, that’s the end of it.” Sirius sags in disappointment, and he mumbles a dejected ok. James nods along with him but doesn’t say anything. By the time dinner rolled around they were talking of other things and other pranks they could pull. It settled Remus running mind, he really didn’t eat them meddling with dangerous potions and charms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The moon had come and gone in the blink of an eye for everyone normal, but not for Remus. The night of the full moon stretched on for days, his body breaking and tearing for hours. The lie he told was that he was visiting his sick mother, but she had died in his youth. The fate that befell her young child was too much for her to bear, so she decided not to. James and Peter would give him sympathetic glances and well-meaning words, while Sirius looked on in curiosity. Sirius never really spoke of his home life, so Remus assumed it wasn’t full of love and care like the Potter house. Everyone tended to avoid talking about the blacks, he didn’t really understand the meaning behind the name until James had explained to him the sacred twenty-eight. Right now Remus lay in the hospital bed, his private bed. No one was allowed past the curtains except for the matron, she had put a special charm so no one could see past them.</p>
<p>“Remus, can you drink this?” He opens his mouth and lets the bitter potion slide down his throat. This moon wasn’t good, but it wasn’t awful, he was left with a few new scars on his torso and a nasty bruise from a dislocated shoulder. There was no damage to his face, that would’ve been harder to hide from the prying eyes of his friends.</p>
<p>“Can I go?” She looks down at him, her lips set in a thin line.</p>
<p>“Alright, but nothing too strenuous.” He nods and eagerly gets up, deciding to head to the kitchens before the dorm. The elves are happy to bring him whatever he wants, which is anything containing chocolate. He then heads back to his dorm, it should be empty. Thankfully it is empty and he sets down his sweets and crawls under the crimson covers. He wakes up to the sound of whispering voices, curse his heightened hearing.</p>
<p>“I don’t see why he has to go visit his mom every month.” There’s a rustling of covers and a sigh from James.</p>
<p>“Because it’s his mom, Sirius. Normal people care about their moms.” There’s a sharp intake of breath and Remus knows that was not the right thing to say. He tries to get up and winces when it tugs at his new wound. The others don’t notice him, since the curtains are drawn across his bed.</p>
<p>“Fuck you, James.” He can hear the stomps of Sirius’s heavy boots exiting the room and the harsh exhale of James’s breath. He pulls the curtain back and James startles.</p>
<p>“That wasn’t very nice, James.” He hangs his head and brushes his hands through his hair.</p>
<p>“How is your mom doing.” An obvious subject change but Remus grants him the relief.</p>
<p>“She’s getting worse.” The guilt of lying rises like bile in his throat, he’s been doing it for three years and it’s never gotten easier. If anything it’s gotten harder, he never meant to bond with anyone when he first got here. </p>
<p>“Charms starts in five minutes, we better get going.” Remus nods and slowly gets up to his feet, biting back winces. James eyes him warily but he waves his hand dismissively. When they get to charms Sirius is sitting as far away from their usual spot as possible, Remus wants to laugh. James sits beside Peter and Remus decides to sit in the empty spot beside Sirius, he can the acidic bitterness emanating from him. He decides to not bring up the conversation he overheard. Charms class is boring, Professor Flitwick making them read a chapter on soul bonding. Remus finds it all terribly depressing, it seems like Sirius feels the same. Remus thinks in another life he could find it romantic, to love someone so deeply that your souls are bonded. But he’s a monster, and monsters don’t have souls. The bell rings and Sirius hangs back with him until James and Peter have left the room.</p>
<p>“How long are you going to stay mad at him?” Sirius considers it and shrugs.</p>
<p>“I was mad at him for about twenty minutes, but I’m teaching him a lesson.” Remus raises his eyebrow a gesture telling him to continue.</p>
<p>“I don’t like talking about my family.” I doubt a few hours of the silent treatment will dampen James’s curiosity about the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black, but Remus doesn’t mention it.</p>
<p>“What do you think about soul-bonding?” He can’t outright tell Sirius his exact reasons for detesting it.</p>
<p>“I think it’s rubbish.” Sirius nods but his mind doesn’t seem to be in it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>During dinner, the two are back on speaking terms and the conversation is forgotten, but it’s strange how much attention James is paying Peter. It’s no secret that James and Sirius were the closets, Remus falling closely behind. People believed they let Peter in because they pitted him, but Peter was an integral part of their operation, at least Remus treated him as such. Even Sirius looked on curiously at their conversation, but he doesn’t interject. Sirius picks at his food and watches with barely hidden jealousy through the rest of the feast.</p>
<p>“Eat your food.” Remus luges his foot and Sirius picks up his fork, slowly bringing a piece of carrot to his mouth. After they’re done eating Peter and James disappear somewhere and Sirius looks at their retreating forms, a scowl set on his lips.</p>
<p>“Come now, Sirius. There’s no point in getting upset.” Sirius huffs at that but begrudgingly follows Remus back to the common room. It wasn’t often that Remus got to be alone with Sirius, he cherished these moments. Sirius was different when it was just the two of them, he was softer, less abrasive. Sirius never let his guard down, not even around James, but Remus was lucky enough to catch moments of the real Sirius Black.</p>
<p>“Do you really think soul bonding is rubbish?” His voice is meek, he’s twisting his fingers together.</p>
<p>“I don’t like the idea of being tied to someone forever.” he looks down to the floor in an uncharacteristically shy manner.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” His words don’t seem to hold truth but Remus doesn’t call him out on it, it’s been a weird day. Hours later James and Peter come back, silently getting into their beds.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Almost a month later during the Christmas holidays is when everything starts to go wrong. James and Peter are set to leave after breakfast, they eye Sirius and him cautiously. The full moon is close and Remus can taste their nervous energy, it clings to his exposed skin.</p>
<p>“What have you done?” He looks at Sirius, but he seems just as confused, it definitely does not make him feel any better about the situation.</p>
<p>“Please don’t be mad.” That is a surefire way to make him seethe, he can tell Sirius feels the same. Sirius not so gently sets down his fork, but he keeps a hold of his knife.</p>
<p>“What did you do, James?” His voice hardly betrays the red hot anger of the wolf, But Sirius notices it. He can actually feel Sirius’s anger, deep inside him.</p>
<p>“Peter and I have figured out how to do the mind switch, with Sirius’s notes.” </p>
<p>“What the fuck, James? Remus told us to drop it.” Sirius’s grip on the knife loosens and it clatters to the floor.</p>
<p>“I know, I know. But you had basically figured it out Sirius, I couldn’t just forget about it.” Sirius shakily gets to his feet and glares down at James.</p>
<p>“It was in the juice?” James swallows hard and nods, his eyes never leaving Sirius’s. They both look down into their empty cups.</p>
<p>“Why didn’t you tell us?” Remus speaks up and James and Peter’s nervous eyes turn to him.</p>
<p>“We figured it would work better if the subjects didn’t know.” Sirius closes his eyes and brings his hand to his suddenly clammy forehead.</p>
<p>“Fuck, I don’t feel good.” Remus gets up too, suddenly feeling ill himself.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry guys, but it’s Christmas break so if anything goes wrong there are no classes to worry about.” Remus feels as if he could climb over the table and strangle the both of them, but he realizes this isn’t exactly his feelings. Sirius looks over to him and the panic is clear in his eyes.</p>
<p>“I’m going to be sick.” Remus nods at Sirius’s words and follows after him, ignoring the concern on James and Peter’s face. As soon as He and Sirius reach the abandoned girl's lavatory they’re both sick. Remus tries to pull himself back from the toilet but his vision blurs and he finds himself falling to the floor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Remus wakes up he registers that his body does not ache, he feels free like he did before the bite before his life went to shit. He then finds this odd, because the full moon is in three days and his body should be aching. He finally opens his eyes and finds himself completely across the room from where he passed out, he’s looking at himself.</p>
<p>“Sirius?” His voice comes out the wrong pitch, his welsh tongue gone. Remus brings his hand's eye level and looks at the unscarred porcelain skin, Sirius’s skin.</p>
<p>“Mother fucker.” The words sound strange on Sirius’s aristocratic tongue. He sees his body slowly come to and watches with Sirius tinged eyes.</p>
<p>“Rem?” Sirius struggles over in Remus’s body, pain clearly evident on his face.</p>
<p>“I’m here.” He gets to his feet and notices that his legs seem to be shorter, and there’s no limp in his walk.</p>
<p>“D’you always hurt this bad?” He had gotten used to the constant aches that accompanied the monthly shedding of his skin, he wonders how painful all that must be for Sirius.</p>
<p>“I have chronic pain.” As soon as he said it he realizes he should’ve been using this excuse the whole time. No one would question his monthly visits to the hospital if he said he had chronic pain. Speaking of the monthly visits, the full was in three days.</p>
<p>“The bloody bastard did it.” It was strange to hear Sirius’s words coming out of his mouth, it made his head spin.</p>
<p>“We have to reverse this, christ.” He hates the sound of Sirius’s posh accent, the Sirius from however long ago didn’t sound like this.</p>
<p>“Why do you sound like this?” He laughs in such a Sirius way that it unnerves him to see it coming out of his own body.</p>
<p>“That’s my accent you prat. The heir of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black shan’t talk like a commoner.” His chin is raised and his back straight, he would look quite posh if not for Remus’s shabby body.</p>
<p>“But you don’t sound like this,” Sirius smirks at Remus’s evident confusion.</p>
<p>“I try very hard to not let my upbringing show. Remember how I didn’t talk at all on our first train ride.” Remus slowly nods.</p>
<p>“I was studying your accents. I always hated the way I talked, my own voice mocked me.” He brings his hand to try and work out a knot in his neck. He knows Sirius would never admit this in front of James or Peter, and he takes private pleasure in knowing that.</p>
<p>“We need to find James and fix this.” Sirius looks hurt that he’s so eager to get out of his body, but it’s not like Remus can tell him the truth. They exit the bathroom, with some fumbling trying to get used to their new vessels.</p>
<p>“Hurts so bad, Rem.” His own eyes are almost brimming with tears and he looks as Sirius slowly limps to catch up with him.</p>
<p>“The pain,” He takes a deep shuddering breath.</p>
<p>“It’s so deep.” Remus knows the exact sensations he’s feeling, it’s always agony near the full moon. Remus curses to himself and pulls Sirius’s arm onto his shoulder, it’s a bit awkward since Sirius’s body is shorter than his own.</p>
<p>“You should lay down.” He helps walk Sirius to the top of Gryffindor tower and helps him lay down on his bed. Remus searches through his drawers and finds a small amount of pain reliever potion.</p>
<p>“Drink this, you’ll feel better.” Sirius opens his mouth and it’s strange to watch himself feed his body. He watches as Sirius licks the bitter taste off his lips and clothes his amber eyes.</p>
<p>“There’s a note on your bed.” Sirius mumbles and Remus picks it up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>The train was leaving and we didn’t have time to find you guys, I really hope you’re okay. Both Peter and I are going to be out of the country for the winter holidays, so we won’t be able to owl you guys. We reckon the effects shouldn’t last that long, a minimum of a week. We really are sorry for using you guys as unwilling test subjects, but I promised Peter a break after the incident. See you guys again in three weeks!</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>James.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus crumples the letter in his hand and drops it when it catches fire, Sirius grunts from his bed.</p>
<p>“My magic sometimes gets out of control when I’m upset.” Remus finds it odd that such a skilled wizard still has fits of uncontrolled magic, but he files that conversation away for another time.</p>
<p>“We have no way of contacting James or Peter, and the effects should last a week or more.” This isn’t ideal, this is the opposite ideal. Remus takes a deep breath and tries to calm his temper, he doesn’t want to light something bigger on fire.</p>
<p>“That’s not too bad. You’ll get a nice break.” Remus sits heavily on Sirius’s bed and lets his head fall into his hands.</p>
<p>“What do you mean, a break?” He eats up at Sirius through his fingers, watching bright amber eyes study his face.</p>
<p>“All this pain can’t be pleasant, I’m happy to bear it for you.” It makes his heart flutter, that Sirius would be willing to bear his pain so Remus could finally breathe, unencumbered by tightness.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t have to.” He had less than three days to fix this, less than three days to save Sirius from the beast inside him. He hears the evening out of his breath as Sirius falls into slumber, he doesn’t feel tired at all so he decides to research.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Losing you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>James and Peter hadn’t left any of their notes behind if they had even had any in the first place. Remus sighs and scrubs a hand down his face, it had been at least an hour and he’s made no advancements. Sirius was passed out in his bed, in his body, the entire time Remus was trying to find anything to go on. It was odd, Remus tended to sleep a full eight hours each night, so his body shouldn’t have been that tired. But maybe it was a mix of the pain and stress that Sirius was experiencing that led to him immediately falling asleep. Why couldn’t they have just made a normal Polyjuice potion, he thought to himself. But James and Sirius couldn’t leave well enough alone, they had to prove to themselves that they were smart enough to come up with their own spell. Stupid Sirius always fucking things up for everyone, if only he’d just stop- Remus stops that train of thought and quickly realizes it wasn’t entirely his own. He brings his hands down from his head and drops a fistful of silky black hair that he hadn’t realized he’d pulled out. He closes the advanced potions book in front of him and slips it back into his bag, spelling away the strands of hair. He walks back up the dormitory stairs and sees Sirius intently watching the door when he opens it.</p><p>“You’re up.” Sirius’s eyes track him around the room, he almost feels like prey being tracked by a hungry beast.</p><p>“Sirius?” He shakes his head and seems to come back to himself.</p><p>“Sorry, did you say something?” He knew his brain got fuzzy near the moon, but it was strange to see Sirius act that way.</p><p>“Do you know what spells James used?” It couldn’t have been a simple memory spell or just Polyjuice potion. It scared him because he could slowly feel himself sinking into Sirius’s headspace, which would mean Sirius was sinking into his own.</p><p>“I had the strangest dream?” Sirius holds his hand in front of his face and turns it this and that way, seemingly studying every intricate line. There’s a faraway look in his amber eyes, they seem to be unfocused.</p><p>“Are you alright?” Sirius cocks his head and regards him with distant eyes.</p><p>“I dreamt about the moon, it was chasing me.” His whole body tenses up at the mention of the moon.</p><p>“You’re scared of it.” Sirius looks deep into his eyes as Remus tries not to show any reaction to the statement.</p><p>“I’m high.” Sirius covers his mouth with his hand but he still bursts out laughing. Remus resits the urge to walk over to Sirius and smack him on the head.</p><p>“What the fuck?” His hands go back to his hair and he starts pulling out individual strands of hair.</p><p>“Stop pulling my hair out.” Sirius pots and it looks strange on Remus’s face.</p><p>“You’re pulling your own hair out!” Sirius winces and Remus has to take a deep breath of air to calm himself.</p><p>“I’m not happy that you took something while in my body.” He’s trying so hard not to lose his temper at Sirius, it’s a stressful situation for both of them.</p><p>“I needed it, Rem. Everything hurt, and now it doesn’t” He giggles all the while saying it, it doesn’t do anything to lessen Remus’s anger.</p><p>“I didn’t realize your virgin body would react this way.” Remus’s cheeks flare red and he embarrassingly feels a slight tingle in his groin.</p><p>“I just need you to tell me what the spell was, so we can reverse this.” He has to he Sirius out of his body preferably sooner than later. He’s too scared to think of the possibility of Sirius having to face his transformation. But there is a tiny dirty part that he’s not sure is entirely him, telling him he should be happy he won’t have to feel the pain this month.</p><p>“Only looked into Polyjuice and Memory charms, but this isn’t that.” There was no there spell that came to mind that could create this kind of effect, this kind of attachment. Sirius’s drug-addled brain seems to make a connection that Remus can’t.</p><p>“Soul bonding.” He whispers it like it's a curse word forbidden by his parents. Remus shakes his head, refusing to believe it.</p><p>“Flitwick said it is an irreversible spell, James is not stupid enough to try that.” Sirius giggles and Remus’s anger flares up. He’s used to anger, it’s always constant and under the surface. But this anger feels different, this is Sirius’s anger. His anger simmers, Sirius’s anger grabs onto kindling with fiery hands and burns everything to ash.</p><p>“He might be.” Sirius shrugs and rolls over onto his back, staring at the wooden panels of his four-poster.</p><p>“How can you be so fucking calm about this? Our souls might be bound forever because of some stupid prank.” Remus hopes to God that he’s not getting the gravity of this situation because his head is full of drugs.</p><p>“James says it will wear off in a week, so I‘ve found there’s nothing to worry about.” He rolls back onto his side and fixes me with a clear stare.</p><p>“Unless there’s something you’re worried about, something you’ve been keeping from me, Lupin?” His voice is steady and his eyes are un-fogged, almost as if the drugs have never been in his system.</p><p>“I just don’t want to be stuck inside your body for longer than necessary.” His voice quivers and Sirius easily catches onto it.</p><p>“I know what lying looks like, Lupin.” Remus fixes him with a glare and tries to think of a biting insult.</p><p>“Your Slytherin is showing.” A cloudy expression overcomes his face and he stands up.</p><p>“Have fun trying to fix this on your own.” And he walks out of the room, slamming the door behind him.</p><p>“Fuck!” Remus yells and kicks the bedpost in anger, it splinters beneath his foot. This is not how he wanted this to go if only he could keep Sirius’s stupid temper in check. The moon is in two days, and he has absolutely no way to fix this. He can’t even go to Professor Flitwick for advice because he doesn't know what combination of Spells James and Peter used. He could try and tell Minnie, but she was away on her own Christmas holiday. Dumbledore was on Ministry business, so they were well and truly fucked. He had to try one last look in the library before spilling his biggest secret and probably getting expelled from Hogwarts.</p><p> </p><p>One day and then another fly by and its lunchtime before the full moon, Remus still hasn’t told Sirius what’s going to happen to him tonight. He remembers the first time he had changed, he’s been paralyzed with fear and had been pleading to his mother. He was so young and small, his body wasn’t ready to tear itself apart. Even though it’s been years since his first change it never got easier, only harder. He suspected it had to do with his growing body and raging hormones, the wolf was maturing into itself, it was stronger than him. In two hours madame Pomfrey would bring him to the hospital room and have him lay down until the sun kissed the horizon, then she would lead him to the shrieking shack and he would tear himself apart.</p><p>“Rem, I don’t feel good.” Sirius has his head in his hands and he’s breathing heavily, he hasn’t touched his food.</p><p>“I feel like I’m coming apart.” Remus knows that feeling well, he could push it down far enough that it only felt like a mild discomfort, but Sirius didn’t have that experience.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Sirius doesn’t seem to hear him and he digs his head deeper into his hands. He has to tell him, he knows he has too, but he can’t bring the words to form in his throat.</p><p>“Come, let’s have you lay down.” He grabs Sirius’s hand and leads him to the hospital wing, he stops just outside the doors. Only five students are staying for the Christmas break, so there’s almost zero percent chance of them being overheard.</p><p>“Fuck, I wished I wouldn’t ever have to tell you this, but we don’t have a choice. You were right, I’ve been lying to you, about who I am. I wanted to find a way to switch us back before the full moon, because I’m,” He can’t even bring himself to say the word.</p><p>“A werewolf?” Sirius helpfully supplies his voice quivers in pain.</p><p>“I’m going to transform tonight, and you’ll be able to sleep soundly.” Remus knows he will not get a wink of sleep, not while his friend is going through his punishment.</p><p>“Do you hate me?” Sirius looks into his eyes, they almost glow yellow in the dim light of the afternoon.</p><p>“Never. I won’t lie, and tell you that I am not terrified of what is to come., but I’m happy to free you from the pain, if only for one night.” Remus doubts Sirius will feel that way in a few hours, he may even come to hate him. Sirius wraps his arms around him and Remus is stunned, after three years of friendship they had never actually hugged. He pulls away with a chuckle.</p><p>“Am I really that short?” Right now Sirius’s body only comes up to Remus’s shoulder.</p><p>“I’ve tried to tell you.” Sirius’s laugh is cut off by a sharp intake of breath, and he doubles over in pain. Remus doesn’t say anything as he leads Sirius into the hospital wing.</p><p>“Remus? Sirius? What are you two doing here?” Remus almost forgets himself for a moment but catches it just in time.</p><p>“Remus isn’t feeling well, so I brought him in.” He tries to put on what he hopes is a charming Sirius smile, it seems to work and she beckons Sirius over to her.</p><p>“Thank you, mister Black, I assure you mister Lupin is in good hands.” Remus gives one last look at his friend, the pain evident in his face.</p><p> </p><p>Remus does not sleep that night, knowing exactly what his friend is going through. As soon as a peak of sunlight shines through his window he’s out of bed and in the hospital wing. He stops dead in his tracks when he sees Sirius still as a corpse on the hospital bed. He rushes to his side and ignores madame Pomfrey entirely.</p><p>“Is he ok?” He’s too afraid to reach out and touch him, for fear of breaking him.</p><p>“Both his arms are broken, and his ankle’s twisted. He took quite the fall down some stairs trying to find his way back last night.” Remus looks away from Sirius.</p><p>“I know what he is, miss.” She breathes a sigh of relief and places her hand on his.</p><p>“I’m sorry for lying to you dear, but Remus’s safety is my priority.” His heart clenches in his chest as the Matrons kind words wash over him, he hadn’t known she cared that much.</p><p>“Will he be ok?” She looks down at his body and pity is written clearly across her face.</p><p>“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before. It is still early, you should go and get some rest.” She gets up and pulls the curtain shut around them. Once her footsteps fade away Remus leans over and ever so gently presses his lips against Sirius’s unconscious form.</p><p> </p><p>He opens his eyes and looks up at the high ceiling, this is strange because he does not remember closing his eyes. The second thing he notices is the all-encompassing pain that radiates off every inch of his body. He tries to turn his head but a sharp pain in his neck stops him. He realizes he is in the bed now, back in his own body, Sirius is nowhere to be seen.</p><p>“Drink this, Remus. It’ll help you feel better.” He gulps down the potion and stutters out a thank you.</p><p>“Where’s Sirius?” A frown tugs at her lips and she regards him.</p><p>“I’m afraid he left in quite a hurry.” He closes his eyes again and lets himself drift back into the dark.</p><p> </p><p>They don’t speak of the incident or the kiss. In actuality Sirius had hardly said two words to him since he returned to the common room, Remus could smell the fear on him.</p><p>“Goodnight.” Sirius crawls into bed and harshly shuts the curtain, effectively blocking Remus out.</p>
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